The pill. Ugh. You hear the horror stories of people taking the pill. Some people have died, some people reckon it can give you cancer and there’s speculation that it makes you put on weight!
Don’t get us wrong, it can do great things but, you know… it can make girls weird and hormonal and it sometimes makes guys cross because it lowers a lady’s sex drive.
More hassle than it’s worth, it seems. But don’t worry, we’ve found you some hormone free alternatives that will have you back under the sheets quicker than you can say “How long does it take to have an implant fitted?“
1. Tubal Ligation
Fed up with those pesky fallopian tubes killing your sexual vibe with their ever-looming threat of unplanned kiddiwinks?! Then you can go all vasectomy on their asses. This is a permanent option with a 99.5% rate of success but if you want kids in the future, this isn’t for you!
Success rate: 99.5%
Basically dry humping. If you’re happy to go on like this for the rest of your sex life then, ugh… good for you. Obviously if you’re doing this right, there really is no way of getting all preggers.
Success rate: 100% hopefully
3. The Cervical Cap
This is a tricky little so and so. When used correctly, the spermicide within stops the relentless torrent of seamen in it’s tracks. But when used incorrectly, you’ll be pregnant quicker than… a girl who gets pregnant really quickly?
Learning how to use it can take time, so don’t use it as an impulse contraceptive!
Success rate: 92-96%
4. The Intrauterine Device
Better known as the coil, this little gizmo that looks like one of C3PO’s sex toys is planted into the womb by a nurse where it prevents the mischievous sperm from reaching the egg. This little baby can stay in the womb for up to ten years but, be thee warned, it doesn’t protect against STD’s and can make periods hella heavy for the first couple of months.
Success rate: 99%
5. The Sponge
Don’t worry. It doesn’t soak up the sperm. However it is pre-soaked in spermicide and is placed above the cervix. It’s less effective than the other methods and, weirdly, can cause yeast infections.
Success rate: 89-91%
Similar to the before-mentioned Cervical Cap, this mofo stays put in the ol’ vajayjay but can’t stop STI’s. It also can’t stay up there as long as the cervical cap. Not suitable for the gals whose skin is sensitive to chemicals though.
Success rate: 92-96%
7. The Female Condom
This is for the girls who want that ‘feeling like a sex pest whenever a johnny slips out of their wallet’ vibe. Similar to the male condom in the way it works, this contraption can be fitted for eight (sexy) hours. It does also share the same problem as the male condom in that it can split if too rigorous.
Success rate: 95%
8. The Male Condom
A good one for fans of endurance as it keeps the guy going for longer, which brings us onto our second point… guys often don’t like them because they’re hassle and they take away some of the feeling. With this in mind, they’re still the most popular method as they offer unparalleled protection against STI’s and pregnancy.
The main problem is discarding them BUT we can help you here with our helloU top tip of the day: Buy flavoured condoms and once used, tie them up at the end and keep them until winter. Then hang them from your Christmas tree for romantic and pretty decorations with sentimental value.
Life Hacks, right?!
Success rate: 98%
9. Lea contraceptive device
Inserted into the vagina to cover the cervix and block sperm during sexual intercourse, the Lea Contraceptive Device is a washable and reusable form of barrier method, which can be reused for six months. It doesn’t need to be fitted like a diaphragm, however it is fairly unreliable.
Success rate: 84%
Usually used in conjunction with other contraceptives, spermicide can be used on its lonesome. It does not protect against STI’s and the effectiveness can decrease after an hour. It can be a gel, foam, film, suppository or tablet.
Success rate: 70-80% when used alone, 97% when using with a condom
So there you have it. If none of those float your boat then remember, becoming celibate is always an option.
Stay safe and let us know what you think in the comments!